There's so many things you can do with a cucumber:
You can chop it or dice it to go in a salad;
you can break it and sharpen it to put into a Mallard.
You can cover it in vinegar, balsamic or malt;
hold it up in the garden and attract lightning bolts.
You can hurl it through the air, like a green phallic spear;
you can dip it in Vaseline and stick it in your ear.
You can use it as a club and whack someone's bum;
you can use it as a rolling pin and squash a small plum.
You can wrap it as a present and give it to a boy called Billy;
strap it to your leg and pretend it's your willy.
Yes, there are so many uses for the humble 'cumber.
Like pretend it's a boat and sail the Humber.
